Why I stopped caring what people think (and you should too)
There was a time when I cared what people thought. About my work. My tone. My resume. My rejections. My “online presence.” You name it — I probably overanalyzed it.
Then I started paying attention to the people behind the feedback.
A few truths crystallized.
1. Most people don’t know what they’re talking about
Somewhere around my 300th ghost job application, I realized how broken the feedback loop really is. Hiring managers who don’t read resumes. Editors who introduce more mistakes than they fix. “Thought leaders” who can’t form a thought without ChatGPT. You start to see the ecosystem for what it is: performative.
Why exactly should I care what people think when the bar is this low?
2. Scar tissue > opinions
At some point, experience stops being something you accumulate and becomes something that protects you. I’ve been burned. I’ve been overworked. I’ve been the ghosted applicant, the underpaid contractor, the team player stuck cleaning up a mess left by someone with a better title.
All that turns into armor. You don’t stop caring because you’re cynical. You stop caring because you’ve earned the right not to need approval from people who haven’t walked the fire.
3. Feedback isn’t what it used to be
Too much feedback today is filtered through fear, branding, or internal politics. Nobody wants to challenge the status quo — especially if that status quo is broken and backed by someone with a blue check or a vanity title.
Real, unfiltered feedback? Rare. Performative approval? Everywhere.
4. Caring can be a liability
If you spend your energy trying to be palatable to everyone, you water down everything that makes your work matter. That blog post that hit a nerve? It wasn’t safe. That strategy doc that got exec buy-in? It challenged assumptions. That content review you pushed back on? It made the piece better, not nicer.
There’s power in pushing against polite mediocrity.
5. It’s not about being a jerk. It’s about focus.
This isn’t some “lone wolf” nonsense. I care deeply about collaboration, doing good work, and mentoring people who give a damn.
But I’m done contorting myself to fit into rooms that reward silence, conformity, or fake enthusiasm. If someone doesn’t get what I bring to the table, I won’t try to shrink myself so they feel taller.
So here’s the litmus test I use now:
- Does this person operate from lived experience or LinkedIn slogans?
- Are they more focused on being respected or being liked?
- Would I trade lives with them for a day? If not, why would I trade peace of mind for their approval?
Final thought
If you’re still trying to earn the approval of the people who play it safe, rehearse every word, and follow the script? You’re aiming too low.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is: I don’t need your permission.
And mean it.
Will Kelly is a writer, content strategist, and keen observer of the IT industry. Medium is home to his personal writing projects. His professional interests include generative AI, cloud computing, DevOps, and collaboration tools. He has written for startups, Fortune 1000 firms, and leading industry publications, including CIO and TechTarget. Follow him on X: @willkelly. You can also follow him on BlueSky: willkelly.bsky.social.
